The psychic felons network
January 6, 1997
Here are some predictions of what might occur at One Police Plaza in 1997.
January: The city's murder rate declines even further, reaching a 30-year monthly low. At a dramatic City Hall news conference, Gov. George Pataki credits the decline to his support for the death penalty. Mayor Rudolph Giuliani credits himself. "And I don't want to hear about societal or demographic factors," he says.
Giuliani also cites the NYPD's now internationally renowned crime strategy meetings, known as COMPSTAT, at which a triumvirate of top brass grill commanders on their crime strategies. He denies reports of a chair being thrown at a recent COMPSTAT meeting. He also denies commanders are grilled so relentlessly, they regularly burst into tears.
February: New York Post owner Rupert Murdoch hires mayoral chief-of-staff Randy Mastro and mayoral counsel Dennison Young as special counsels for Fox Television, which Murdoch also owns. Murdoch denies any connection between their hiring and Giuliani's support for Fox's cable fight against Time-Warner. Police Commissioner Howard Safir announces an undisclosed new drug initiative that he says will make New Yorkers forget the Dominican Republic ever existed. March: Pinned down for the past two years at Police Plaza, New York Times correspondent Clifford Krauss escapes to Peru to cover the ongoing hostage crisis. Known for his front-page exclusives on the city's falling crime rate, he negotiates the release of three captives by promising to convey a request to Giuliani that the rebels be permitted to attend a COMPSTAT meeting.
April: Former Police Commissioner William Bratton finally turns in the first draft of his book. The announcement is made by Random House at a party at Elaine's restaurant. Publishing sources report that Safir is unsuccessfully peddling his own book, which includes the inside story of his Dominican drug initiative, known in Peru as "El Fiasco de Santo Domingo."
May: Rupert Murdoch's publishing company Harper Collins offers Communications Director Crystine Lategano $1.5 million for her memoirs.
June: Murders drop for the sixth straight month. Since he is up for re-election, Giuliani announces the drop at a dramatic City Hall news conference attended by Safir, Pataki, Sen. Alfonse D'Amato and Vice President Al Gore.
Overcome with emotion, Safir announces he will soon reveal his new drug initiative, which he says will be bigger than anything New York City has ever seen. Giuliani is seen kicking him as the news conference ends.
July: Times correspondent Krauss negotiates the release of two more hostages by promising the rebels an audience with COMPSTAT's creator, former Deputy Police Commissioner Jack Maple. In a front-page exclusive, the rebel leader, Nestor Cerpa Cartolini, says he is an admirer of Maple - specifically of Maple's bow-ties, Homburgs and two-toned Allen Edmonds Spectator shoes. Maple, still in New Orleans four months after his contract to clean up that city's police department expired, cannot be located.
August: Random House returns Bratton's book to him for revisions. The announcement is made at a party at Elaine's, attended by a ponytailed Maple in sandals. He refuses to disclose his whereabouts for the past four months. Random House offers him a book contract if he agrees to reveal how he grew his ponytail. Police sources report Safir has amended his book proposal to include the inside story of his Border Patrol strategy.
September: Murder in New York rises for the first time in three years. Giuliani cancels all City Hall news conferences.
October: Safir discloses his new drug intitiative. His plan is to station detectives on a satellite orbiting the Earth to intercept future galactic drug traffickers. Rupert Murdoch hires Giuliani's son to star in a Fox Television kids program based on "The Simpsons." It is to be called The Andrew Giuliani Show. Murdoch also announces that Donna Hanover, married to Giuliani but pursuing a separate career as a Fox news television reporter, will play Andrew's mother.
November: The Peruvian rebels release the hostages and flee the country. The Times rewards Krauss by reassigning him to Police Plaza to cover the city's rising murder rate. Giuliani wins re-election in a landslide.
December: Giuliani holds a dramatic year-end news conference, attended by Nestor Cerpa Cartolini, who appears in a polka-dot bow tie, Homburg and two-toned Spectator shoes and announces his intention to take the NYPD exam and become its first intergalactic detective. Asked about the rising murder rate, Giuliani explains that demographic and societal factors can affect a city's murder rate, which is beyond even his and the NYPD's ability to control. He says he will form a task force to study the matter at the start of his second term.
One Police Plaza will return Jan. 27.